Okay, well. Obviously I am no good at this blogging thing. I *write* posts all the time in my head. And they are good! Take my word for it (you’ll have to), really good! But so much time is spent on the busy-ness of life and I am always running behind, and blah blah blaa…
I need to get a grip on things. This is my current motto. I. need. to. get. a. grip. on. things. How is that for low standards? Everyone needs a goal, right? Well, that’s mine. And I am trying, but in the meantime the important things are slipping through the cracks. Like documenting the lives of these children and our happy, happy (oh so happy) life together.
I know that prioritizing and scheduling will go a long way towards getting life to run a bit more smoothly. Prayer and discernment are called for also, I think. A good night’s sleep and some energy would be nice too, but let’s not get carried away.
I do believe these days will get better with time. I do think we will eventually get out of the mere survival stage and into a thriving stage again. But it is sloooooow going, and I am not patient. I’m going to rant for a few minutes here, just so I can look back on this at some point and (hopefully?) see the progress we have made. Feel free to skip the following few paragraphs! 🙂
Here’s what I’m struggling with… from the day I found out I was pregnant with Joseph (Dec. 16, 2011), I was “laid off” as housekeeper around here. My husband, bless his heart, is not normally a worrier but these babies… he loves them and does his best to protect them. We have had several miscarriages, so we are extra, extra careful in the early days. Fine. I wasn’t happy about it, but I love and worry about the babies too, and am willing to do whatever is necessary. The problem is that there was no replacement housekeeper. Let me just say things quickly got out of hand. Two rooms in our basement became junk rooms with things just thrown in there… like something you would see on one of those “hoarder” shows, do you know what I mean? The laundry and dishes were kept clean, barely. And that was it. By the time I had my doctor’s O.K. to do more, things were already unbearable around here, and I was tired and sick… all the stuff that goes along with being pregnant!
Poor Matthew did what he could. Now, understand, he is a messy boy. Messes do not bother him (or my husband) as much as they do me, and even he got to a point where he couldn’t stand it and started doing chores on his own. Sweet, sweet boy.
For a short while I was able to do more, per the doctor, and I ended up overdoing it. My blood pressure shot up, I was diagnosed with “mild pre-eclampsia”, activities were shut down again, and I was put on bed rest for a while. By the time Joseph was born, I was crazy-obsessed with the messiness and dirt, and really doing more than I ought to have been. Then we had a newborn, I had a bout with post-partum depression, and we began homeschooling. Joseph is almost a year old, and those basement rooms are STILL a mess! I can not stay on top of all the housework, plan for the coming school year, AND give the attention to my children that they deserve and demand. Forget about extra projects like organizing. I get around to dusting and vacuuming the living room (forget the other rooms) maybe once a month, and cleaning the bathroom once a week (it needs it daily), keeping the laundry and dishes done most days, and maybe even getting dinner ready on time once in a while. A baby’s needs are constant and I’d forgotten just how time-consuming they are! Joseph is still not sleeping through the nights and I am running on empty and caffeine. Even if I had the time to do all that needs to be done… I am wiped out and just can not do it.
I need simplicity.
I need to find a way to be happy accomplishing the bare minimum most days.
I need to figure out what exactly the bare minimum is, because at this point everything seems urgent!
I need to set aside time to write. To remember. To use this blog for what I intended. I have been working on this one post for 24 hours now. Ha! I am interrupted so many times I am *this* close to giving up on it… like I have given up on all the other posts I’ve begun. But this is important. This is their childhood. I want them, someday, to know that all the little things meant something, all those memories were not just theirs, but kept in the deep places of their mother’s heart. I hate that the day-to-day survival is keeping me from these important things.
I’m sure you’ve seen the Simple Woman’s Daybook on other blogs, yes? It’s always appealed to me. I’ve known about it for years, and I think now is the time to begin doing it myself. The format will help me get some writing done at least, and it will be an interesting thing to go back and read at some point. For me and my family, I mean. I don’t pretend that any of this is interesting to anyone else! 🙂 I think I also need something similar – a sentence starter format – to keep on top of what the children are doing and saying and thinking as they grow. Is there anything like that out there? I may have to come up with it on my own. If I can find the time. Sigh.
So here goes…
I am thinking… see the rant above. 😉
I am thankful… for a healthy family.
In the kitchen… fresh cherries are waiting to be cleaned, fresh cantaloupe waiting to be cut up.
I am wearing… pajamas still. Um, it’s 10:22am. Not proud.
I am creating… planner pages for lessons and assignment pages for Matthew (can’t find just the right one already on the market, so of course I have to make my own!).
I am going… nowhere farther than the backyard today.
I am wondering… how to put into action the following thought from today’s morning prayer: “May the prayers of Saint Peter [Chrysologus] help us to cherish the mystery of our salvation and make its meaning clear in our love for others.“
I am reading… The Man Who Was Thursday, by G.K. Chesterton, and Through Four Seasons, by Edith M. Patch
I am hoping… Joseph takes two good naps today.
I am looking forward to… Joseph’s nap. 🙂
I am learning… about wildflowers!
Around the house… I am cleaning the bathroom today, even if it kills me.
I am pondering… the balance between overdoing things and doing enough this school year.
A favorite quote for today… “And without music there can be no perfect knowledge, for there is nothing without it. For even the universe itself is said to have been put together with a certain harmony of sounds, and the very heavens revolve under the guidance of harmony.” – St. Isidore of Seville
A few plans for the rest of the week: Puppet show at the park on Friday morning, maybe going to the thrift store to get some shelving and some wooden hat/jacket hangers for the breezeway.
Nice. Messy house, little brother annoying the big one, big brother teasing the little one, no one properly dressed, laundry is not put away… this is the story of my life these days. 🙂
And now it has been documented. Whew.